Tuesday, December 17, 2013

As the year draws to a close...

Sharing my slice of life (#slice2013) over at Two Writing Teachers.  Please join us!

One of my favorite things about this time of year is reflecting on where the year began. A year ago I was planning on becoming an adoptive mom to an older child. The little boy I was going to adopt was amazing. His eyes still held so much hope after a life filled with so much disappointment and pain. He would be moving in with me in January. 

It didn't happen. 

As is true with much of adoption, it's a world filled with joy and celebration as well as pain and disappointment. The reasons why it didn't happen aren't important. It changed me. It's been a year and I miss him. Being a woman of faith, I believe that this is in God's plan...but that doesn't make me miss him less. (If you're interested in reading more about that journey, it's on my blog Uncommon Path to Motherhood.)

Life has taken a different direction. I chose another path for now. It's good. Life doesn't look like I thought it would. I imagined a family with lots of children and chaos and laughter and love. My life is quieter than that. I'm grateful for my family. I'm grateful for my friends. I'm so grateful for my dog, Leo. I'm grateful for my life. This life. There's a journey I'm on and I can't imagine where it's going. It doesn't look like I thought it would look...but I'm ok with that (and that took a long time to say and mean). 

As a new year approaches, I begin to plan...(I'm reminded of the saying...we make plans and God laughs.) but I can't help it, I need to plan. What things do I want to do? I set goals, challenge myself, pick a word to guide my year. There's a quote from the movie Hope Floats that I'm reminded of now as I write this: 


"...beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will, too..."

21 comments:

  1. Your post brought me to tears. It is clear that your words brought structure to your thoughts and thus were clamoring to get out. So often, as you note, we make plans but God has other ones. As living things, we have to change, that is just the way it is, but it is not easy. .

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  2. Michelle, my heart aches for you. But as another woman of faith, I also know that at times God's plan is hidden for a time. It can be frustrating, sad and everything else, but He is a loving God and therefore His love will float no matter what the situation (you know, beginning, middle or end)! Wishing you much love and His hope this holiday season. P.S.One day I will have to write a post about my desire for a big family.

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  3. i can't wait to hear what your word is for 2014! :-) love you, friend!!

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  4. "We make plans and God laughs." This resonated with me as a woman of Faith who likes to plan. Thanks for sharing your story. It has inspired me to consider writing a bit of mine. Thank you!

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  5. Loved this post--there is so much hope, acceptance and truth in it. I'm also looking forward to your 2014 word. My 2013 word was present and it was perfect! Thank you for all the wisdom about living in this slice.

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  6. Honest, sad, yet hopeful post. Thank you for the trust to share your story. In this slice I can hear a strong woman with faith and wise words.

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  7. Oh I'm so glad I read this. I feel like your journey is made from your vision and revision of it. Which is kind of how that plan you make interacts with what happens. You are a brave and loving person, accepting and loving what happens yet still planning and praying for more. Here's to finding what floats up. Happy New Beginnings.

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  8. "There's a bend in my future...I don't know what lies around the bend, but I'm going to believe the best does."
    ~our dear friend Anne Shirley
    I wish you many wonderful surprises in 2014.

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  9. Choose hope. Always choose hope. That's what I try to believe (it's hard sometimes). I admire your honesty and voice in this Slice. I feel your sadness, but I do feel your hope. 2014 will be amazing for you. Happy holidays!

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  10. We do not know what God has planned for us. We can just accept and know that it is for our own good, even though we can't see how at the moment. After all, isn't that what faith is? Hope you have a great 2014.

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  11. "Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will, too..."
    Thank you for sharing your story with us, Michelle, hope lifts us - so true. I have a feeling that your plans are infused with hope, and wisdom, too.

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  12. I admire you for sharing your journey, Michelle. I hear that it was such a disappointment and sorrow to have the plan for adopting change. Yet, you are expressing hope for the new year, a time for new plans. Good for you! Yes, it's a time for reflecting, yet also a time for gratitude that you made the year work well for you. I love that quote in the end, am such a process person it is meaningful to me. Thank you and best of holidays for you and yours!

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  13. I hope this is a wonderful new year for you Michelle. So hard to begin again
    Bonnie

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  14. The quote Kendra shared, "We make plans and G-d laughs," reminded me that we can try to control things, but sometimes we have to accept the outcome.

    Thank you for having the courage to share your story with us. I hope the holiday season brings you happiness and that the year ahead is filled with lots of good things.

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  15. Michelle, thank you for sharing your story. Even though life is difficult and doesn't always turn out as we have planned, God knows what is best for us and in His way and in His time, He will make our lives whole. Prayers being sent that 2014 will be a great year for you. Blessings

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  16. You just never know what life's plan is, kind of makes life exciting.

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  17. I have always believed that somedays give us hope and validates dreams. I hope your someday comes soon, but yes, it is God's plan. I am sure this must have been very hard to write. Sometimes writing words like these helps in the healing. Praying for good things ahead for you.

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  18. So beautiful. I've been thinking a lot lately about where my life has led me, how decisions I have made got me to where I am today. It's pretty amazing but can sometimes be overwhelming or frustrating. I find myself focusing on the great things and being thankful for everything. I feel like even things I perceive as negative might actually be blessings in disguise.

    I think it's so brave that you shared this story. Thank you for sharing it. It has truly touched my heart and made me think about my own life all over again. :)

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  19. I'm so sorry that you've had such a painful journey this year, Michelle. Your resilience shines through your posts, though. Sending you best wishes for a joyous 2014!

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  20. Michelle,
    There is beauty in your honesty. There is resilience in your words.You might find this post from Holley Gerth about the difference between a plan and a demand exactly what you need to hear: http://holleygerth.com/1213-is-it-okay-for-you-to-make-a-plan/
    Merry Christmas,
    Ruth

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  21. Your post brought tears to my eyes. Your heart and faith so evident.

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