Monday, March 3, 2014

Single

Slice of Life Challenge
Please join the challenge over at Two Writing Teachers!

So many Slice of Life posts are about kids and husbands and such...
Not mine.
I venture to guess many of the Slicers are married and/or have kids...
Not me. 

I am forty-two years old. 
Single. 
No children. 
It's not the life I imagined. 

Engaged in my twenties, to the wrong man...a good man, but the wrong man. Wedding was called off two weeks before. It was a painful time, but a time of growth for me. That was fifteen years ago. 

I almost adopted a little boy last year from the foster care system. Things didn't work out and the adoption fell through a few weeks before he was supposed to move in. Again, so much pain, but pain which inspired growth.

After much soul searching and sadness and therapy, I decided to enjoy my life...to be grateful. I made the decision to look at what I had instead of what I didn't have. Changed my perspective...

For so many years, I felt alone, and less than, and other...I thought, What's the matter with me? Why am I still single? When's it my turn? Where is my chance to be a mom and a wife?   It's something that I've always wanted...and still want. After the adoption fell through, I felt that hopeless kind of sad...like things would never change...I'd always be alone.
I wish I could pinpoint the moment that changed for me...when my eyes finally opened. I looked around and saw what was around me & that hopeless feeling disappeared...replaced with faith.  
Faith that God has a plan for me and it will be ok. Since I let go of my sadness about this, I've started to really enjoy my life! I am an aunt to two amazing kids. I am a teacher to countless students. I am a friend. I am a daughter. I am me. 
Lately, these words float around in my head, 


“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned 
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” 
― Joseph Campbell 


20 comments:

  1. Such big truth here. I am 54, never married, but did adopt two guys from the foster care system about ten years ago. Can't tell you how many times I have had similar thoughts…I love the quotes from CS Lewis and Joseph Campbell.

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  2. Wow! I love this. You could easily have been speaking about me. Thank you for sharing your journey.
    Thank you for the AWESOME Quotes which I intend to write in my Writer's Notebook. God does have a plan and his plans are always very very good.

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  3. This is a great story. I'm so glad that I got to read it. It's a lot to take in and I'm sure your life's journey will take you to some wonderful places. Thanks!

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  4. hopeless feeling- replaced by faith. My thoughts exactly.

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  5. I lay back
    watching clouds
    noticing for the first time
    how connected they all are,
    cast against the deep blue sky by day
    and by night, when dark comes,
    the clouds still connect -
    we just don't always see them.

    -Kevin
    PS -- not sure if a poem helps or what I was trying to say but ... I leave it as a gift to you this morning, my friend.

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    1. I love every word of it! Thank you, Kevin!

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  6. Thanks for trusting us with something so important

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  7. I truly believe there is a special purpose for aunts. I know you read my post about my daughter and sister yesterday. This is just a small glimpse of their relationship. My sister also has the same kind of relationship with my son. You get to be that person they can talk to when parents just aren't right. You get to be that person that gives advice and they listen. You are special and you are just what they need at times when parents can't be. Growing up is hard, parenting is hard, but being an aunt is special. There is a reason! I hope that by sharing your story, you will find some connections with others and will be able to celebrate your special relationship.

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  8. Such a fiercely honest post, Michelle - that's one of my favorite Campbell quotes, and I think that he (and you) are so wise to realize that everyone has a bliss to follow and find.

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  9. I can relate. I spent a good amount of my adult life single and I don't have my own kids, but I loved the kids I worked with and I loved my nieces and nephew and I moved at the half-way mark of my career and that was just the perfect thing to do. I was closer to NYC and to the man I am now sharing life with.
    Love your positive and honest approach to life Michelle, you are a winner!

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  10. Being single is one of the hardest things. I never imagined being widowed after just year and half of marriage. As I am an only child I had always wanted to have lots of children. Now I have them at school. Your honesty and openness brings me back to your post again and again. I always learn something. Thanks for being a teacher!

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  11. "Everything is different".. the purpose and our plans ... thank you for sharing your open heart this morning. I wish I had a poem, like Kevin, at the ready.

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  12. Your life is your own to love! Good for you.

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  13. I am so grateful for each and every comment! This was a tough post to share and everyone's kind words and comments mean the world to me!!!

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  14. Oh, Michelle...
    Thank you sharing from your heart.
    The trust you have in HIM is beautiful.
    I'm reminded of a song...I Can Trust Jesus...
    I found a link to a video... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zliEQ68cIiY

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  15. I read your post on my phone yesterday, but waited to comment....it took my breath away with its honesty, hope, and promise. For most of us, life doesn't turn out like we plan. Sometimes our own goals and hopes get in the way, but most of the time it is just the "unfortunate sequence of events." Learning to accept what we cannot change is a pretty powerful life lesson for all of us....and never forget the power of teachers and aunties to change the course of history through a series of FORTUNATE events!

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  16. Your honesty touches my heart. I admire your resilience.

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  17. I applaud your honesty! I applaud your reflection. And I celebrate your resilience. That's a lot of hurt to go through. I'm glad to read that you found ways to overcome the hurts and to find joy in what's around you. And The Joseph Campbell quote at the end is simply mindblowing!

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  18. If you ever feel alone and hopeless again, just remember the difference you have made in so many lives. You live in the hearts and beings of so many. Not only does your name come up in our house almost weekly - yes, weekly! - I know so many others who talk about you often - the family of Amy K, for example - and who acknowledge the impact you have had on their lives. You may not be an actual mom to some of these kids, but your influence was just as important.

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    1. Weekly?!?! Wow!!! Your words brought tears to my eyes. I can't tell you how much it means to me to hear you say this. I'm humbled and grateful! :)

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