Tuesday, February 24, 2015

I Don't Want to Write

Thank you to Stacey, Betsy, Dana, Tara, Beth, & Anna for this amazing platform to write and share writing! What a wonderful community you've created! I'm honored to be part of it. Join us at Two Writing Teachers


"WRITE. I love to write, but writing is hard! It takes a lot of concentration and thought. It takes planning and creativity. I often write from the heart. I write about what I’m feeling, living, learning. I’m struggling right now because I do NOT want to write. Here. I am avoiding it. I haven’t posted in a week. I’m worried because in a few days the month long writing challenge, Slice of Life is beginning. I don’t want to do it. (Shhh! Don’t tell!!!!) I want to skip it. I avoid when things get uncomfortable. But, I can't avoid this. Writing exposes so much of me and what I’m feeling. How can I write and avoid that? I don’t think I can…but write I must. I am writing a lot in my notebook. I’m writing a lot for my book. I’m writing a lot to people I love (cards and letters). It’s that blog writing that isn’t coming right now. I must write. Write through it. I’m learning new things about what it means to be a writer. It’s hard…but I believe I was born to write…so I. Will. Write."
The words above are from my teacher blog at school, but I really wanted to share them here. I'm wondering if anyone else has felt like this? In the last two weeks I've suddenly dreaded blogging and I can't figure out the reason why. I'm pushing through and I'm going to participate in the March Slice of Life, but my heart isn't in it. 

Looking on the bright side, the best part about this is it's giving me insight into my students who really do not like writing and those that struggle with it. I'm offering the classroom Slice of Life as an optional challenge and I have quite a few students who are rising to that challenge. I'm excited to write with them and experience the struggles and the successes.

Writing is hard. I know that. It seems I'm living that right now. What is interesting to me is that although I am struggling with some of my writing, I don't want to quit. What is that quote about having to write to release the madness within? (Really, what is it? I have been looking and can't find it.) I must write. This struggle, this dread, is new to me. I don't like it, but I am going to look at it as a way to become a better writer and a better teacher of writing.

Any words of wisdom are welcome...

19 comments:

  1. Michelle, I thought about skipping the writing challenge this year as well. Then decided that I will participate. If I miss some days, that will have to be okay. Writing is hard, but the challenge of 31 days also fuels my discovery of many new ideas. Perhaps I will try a little more poetry, pay special attention to the conversations in my classroom, or I could take a picture of my notebook writing (I'm sure yours is much better). I look forward to reading your posts!!! We are here to help and encourage others on this journey. I sure need the encouragement in the middle of 7 weeks of testing my ELLs.

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  2. I've noticed this theme in your writing over the past week. Be patient with yourself, friend. The words will come when they are ready. If you are not feeling like blogging, maybe that is because your words are needed elsewhere right now. Give yourself permission to explore this. Remember that even when birds FLY, they still stop and rest on a branch and take in the world around them once in awhile.

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  3. Like Kevin, I'm glad you write today! Maybe you need to do a new heart map or develop a new writing territories list...I hope you and Jaana both slice every day for the month of March...you won't regret the reward in the end!

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  4. I'm glad you wrote today too! This happened to me last year when I started Slicing. Blerg. I almost resented sitting down at my laptop, and I love writing! When I get this way, it makes me more compassionate with my emerging writers who don't Love writing, or who aren't ready to sit and write. Keep Writing Michelle! Good luck with SOL in March.

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  5. I also felt like skipping this year even though this would only be the second time I participated. However, I filled out the participation form before I could think it through. Now I am committed and I know I will do it. I must confess that I know some posts will probably not be post worthy but I will publish them anyway.

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  6. I posted today about committing to the challenge this morning even though I've been wavering about it--looks like there are other reluctant slicers among us too, but I know it will teach me valuable things about myself, personally and as a writer. When I am reluctant to write, it's often because there are feelings or ongoing circumstances that I am not ready or unwilling to process, but sometimes, we just have to push through anyway!

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  7. Writing is a commitment, right? And, like all commitments, sometimes we just don't feel up to the regularity of it - we come to see it as yet another demand. But, you pushed through and wrote - and we all fee better for it.

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  8. You are doing so much with your students and your writing. I think about your work in progress, that novel in verse and I wonder how it's going. I love that you show up here and connect. To be quite selfish, I need to hear from you! I want to know what's going on. I get what you're saying about the month though. Last year I didn't know what I was in for. Now I do so it is a little more intimidating. I'm figuring a day at a time and all those around me will hold me up through it! I often think of this quote from Dorothy Parker when I write: "I hate writing, I love having written."
    And thanks for the kinder story on my blog. I'm sharing it with my students!

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  9. Oh, Michelle, you can bet you are not alone in your doubts. You should know that the following words that I write to you are meant for me too. Look at the March challenge as an opportunity not a duty, as a game not a competition. Sometimes you will write in abundance, sometimes just showing up with few words is enough. The best part of the SOL challenge is that you will find inspiration from other writers.

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  10. I do hope you get your Mojo back - I miss reading your posts. Like Terje said, the best part of this challenge and this community is the inspiration and support from others.

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  11. I'm definitely at a loss of what to write about. But, in turn, I find I'm looking for more opportunities in my day and am trying to be more mindful of topics to share. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't :) Hang in there and try to pause for those small moments.

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  12. I'm definitely at a loss of what to write about. But, in turn, I find I'm looking for more opportunities in my day and am trying to be more mindful of topics to share. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't :) Hang in there and try to pause for those small moments.

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  13. I don't have any words of wisdom, but I will say I have often felt the very same way. Writing is hard. It's just hard.

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  14. The thing that is so cool about this network is we all know exactly how you feel. I am getting knots in my stomach. Why did I agree to do this? We have testing week smack dab in the middle which is bound to depress me. I love how your writing is so fresh and stream of conscious. I know that is probably an illusion, but you do it well. Just take a word and go. Julianne was doing that for Nerdlution. I thought that was great stuff. We'll be here cheering you on!

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  15. We are so busy, and part of why I write is to show my students that we can learn much about ourselves when we do. I always, always enjoy what you share in your writing, Michelle. Maybe you feel the calling of that book you're writing, and want to concentrate on that? And maybe, some days, it's just too much. We've all been there with reluctant feelings (see above), & will be glad that you will be writing with us!

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  16. What a wonderful teacher sharing your highs and lows as a writer! <3

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  17. OK, Michelle, look! You inspired me last year, and so now it's my turn. You are an amazing writer, and person! As a fellow 6th grade teacher/busy person, I know how hard it is to sit down and type the words out. But you always feel better once that screen says "Published!" right? Thanks for showing up. You can do it! Just a little word or two...we want to hear from you! Have a great rest-of-the-week! Stay warm!

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  18. Michelle, all writers feel this ebb and flow in writing. How awesome you shared your writing revelations with your students -- that is real and honest. Once you get back into the groove and share a slice or two, the energy will return once again. I think finding those seeds to nurture and grow into stories to share is part of the fun! Stick with it ... I know you will FLY!

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