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Do you have a internal voice? A critical voice. I call mine, "Judge". The one that makes declarations and insists you're not good enough. Mine is loud and mean. I've decided that my "Judge" is a big, fat liar.
Recently my critical inner voice has been drowning out every other voice. It's all I've heard...or maybe it's the only one I've been listening to. That voice is loud and negative. It doesn't trust, it's suspicious. It's rude and disrespectful. It's judgmental and unforgiving. I hear it all the time. It's toxic.
How did I recognize it? This has been a snowy winter with lots of cold weather and this past weekend, the warmth returned. I was out walking Bella and my first thought was, "Ugh! My allergies. I'm going to get sick. This is terrible!" Why so negative, I thought? And it hit me like a ton of bricks...that's not me, that's the Judge...always looking on the dark and gloomy side. Complaining. Never grateful.
Winter can be a time when I isolate myself. It can be a sad time. Honestly, I've been battling some mild depression lately. I realized that it's the Judge. I've been listening to the terrible things she's been saying and I've been agreeing. It. Stops. Now.
We all have that voice...don't we? We all have ways to combat it. My weapon is my writing. When I write, I feel better and I don't believe that voice. Writing helps me figure out life. When I write, I'm able to tell the judge, "Shhh! You are wrong! Go away now!"
Spring's coming. Warmer weather. More sunshine. It represents rebirth. I'm ready.